Secrets Can Kill
by Monet00
Summary: Emily's suffering with a secret that A eventually learns about. Will the girls be there for her? How will she deal with her secret becoming public knowledge? What will her parents think?
1. Suspicion

Pain. That's a word that was in the constant forefront of my mind, whether emotional or physical. My methods to escape seemed futile these days. Dealing with Paige and I breaking up, her breaking my trust, Alison returning from the dead, Maya's death, **A**'s tormenting, secrets escaping my lips faster than water travels in a river, losing the ability to swim for enjoyment. Everything became too much and I turned to things I probably shouldn't have. The thought of it makes me weak at the knees for my dependency as well as sick to my stomach for becoming another statistic. It's a secret I've managed to hide from **A **for a little while, but who knows how long that'll last. Sometimes I would wonder when I lost my ability to care what others thought, and I guess it was around the time when I lost my ability to swim how I used to. It was my passion, still is and the thought that **A **took it away from me makes me angry beyond belief. I sometimes dreamt of my hands around **A**'s neck and squeezing the life from their eyes. I guess my sadistic nature came out only in my dreams after a night of weeping because I wasn't able to release my emotions in the pool I like I once could. My thoughts always turn dark after I walk past the swimming pool gazing longingly, or when I have pains in my shoulder, or when I see the swim team walking around smiling, or in general at night when I can't rest, like now. The physical pain in my shoulder is beyond unbearable especially with the new storm rolling into town. My thoughts are interrupted by a text. It's 12 am, who'd be texting me this late. And my heart jumps when I see whom it belongs to. **Alison.**

** Alison: Are you awake?**

** Me: Yeah, why are you?**

** Alison: Can't sleep. My dad's away on business and Jason is out.**

** Me: Oh?**

** Alison: Can I come over?**

I already knew my answer once she told me she was home alone.

**Me: Yeah, want me to pick you up?**

** Alison: I could walk**

I scoff at the idea of Alison walking alone in the dark especially by the most recent attack from **A.**

** Me: Not going to happen, I'll be there in fifteen.**

I text and jump out of bed and throw on sweats. I thank God that my mother is visiting my father in Texas because I don't know how I'd explain me driving so late especially with all these thoughts running in my head. As I head out towards my car, a biting breeze hits me in the face and I feel the familiar ache in my shoulder. I squeeze and massage it as I turn on my car hoping that the pressure will be relieved, but the pain is not going away. The drive is relatively simple since I know it like the back of my hand. I get out the car and notice a light in Alison's room. I open the door with my spare key and make my way up the stairs to enter her room.

"Hey you ready to go," I say and I see her jump in shock that I'm here. I guess I should've texted.

"Yeah, thanks Em," she says sincerely while gathering an overnight bag.

"Anytime," I say without a filter and I want to slap myself in the face expecting her to chuckle but instead she throws me the most beautiful smile that I've seen since she's been back in town. We head outside and the breeze hits me again and so does a shooting pain in my shoulder. I clutch it hoping Alison doesn't notice, and thankfully she doesn't while she's locking the door. I get into the drivers seat and wait for her to enter the car. The pain has yet to subside, so I begin to count back from ten and massage it. I'm too wrapped up in what I'm doing that I didn't notice she'd already entered the car looking at me nervously.

"What's wrong Em?" she asks with concern etched in voice and face.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I say with a grimace. I sigh once the pain stops and I begin to start the car, but a hand stops me.

"Talk to me," she says in a voice that years ago would've had me spilling my guts, but now with my sluggishness and irritability level spiking, I refuse to answer. I move her hand out the way and start the car. The ride back to my house is quiet; well that's an understatement. Halfway through the car ride, I see a hurt look on her face and I knew I regretted what I did. Once we pull up to the house I turn off the car. She goes to exit, but I stop her by clutching her arm.

"I didn't mean to be rude, I'm sorry," I say hoping she would accept my apology, but not push. Instead of talking, she smiles and I can still see a pained expression behind her eyes. She goes to exit again and this time I let her. I hit my head against the chair. "Stupid, stupid" I repeated to myself for being callous towards her. I get out the car and see she's shivering so I quickly go to the door ignoring the chill in my shoulder. Once I let her in she waits around to follow me. Alison from three years ago would've just done as she'd pleased in anyone's home, including mine, but this one respected boundaries. "Ali, don't be mad at me, I'm sorry for being a jerk," I plead because I can't take this quiet and calm Alison who gets hurt by certain gestures and wears her heart on a sleeve towards me. Its nerve wracking the amount of power she's giving me this time around.

"I'm not mad Em, I'm just a little hurt and surprised. You've never acted like that towards me," she says and looks toward her shoes. This sight makes me reach out and bring her in my embrace. I hold her for what seems like hours and I feel intoxicated by her scent. She's always smelled like oranges.

"I know, I'm just going through a lot, I'm sorry for taking it out on you," I say and grab her hand and lead her towards my room. She sits on my bed and watches as I change into my pajamas. I would've felt nervous if it weren't for my thoughts distracting me. I feel holes burning into me as I slip my shirt off to reveal a sports bra and my toned abs. I turn to look at the only occupant in the room to see she's staring. Once we make eye contact she turns away and her cheeks turn a dark shade of red. That's a sight I've never seen before.

"See something you like?" I tease trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah I do," she replies and I'm not all too shocked by her boldness. I see her yawn and I know she's sleepy.

"You're tired," I observe and she nods. I take the lead by tucking her under the covers and move to my dresser to get a bottle then exit my room.

"Where are you going Em?" She asks and I hear a hint of fear.

"To the bathroom, I'll be back I promise," I say trying to get her to calm down. I walk out of the room and enter the bathroom. I take in my appearance and I can see dark circles under my eyes. I sigh in disgust that I've let things get so out of control. I turn on the water and unscrew the medicine bottle. I take out two pills and pop them in my mouth and wash it down with water. After I'm done, I look back in the mirror. **Is this really what you've become? A drug addict?** I sigh knowing the truth and go back towards the room. I stash the bottle in a different place because I didn't want Alison finding it. Soon enough I was under the blankets with Alison staring at the ceiling. I feel movement but I refuse to look in her direction. Soon I feel her grabbing my shirt and wrapping the other arm around my waist. I have mixed feelings about the position I'm in. Part of me wants to push her away because I'm far too damaged and I don't want to corrupt her second chance, but the other part of me wants to stay this way and protect her and have her tell me that everything's going to be okay and that it'll get better. I opt to let the drugs take effect and soon I drift into a peaceful slumber. Next morning I'm waking up and I feel a burning in my shoulder, this is by far the worst morning. I let out a whimper, but then I feel pressure around my waist and someone on that particular shoulder, its Alison. I sigh and try to move away without waking her. I'm in desperate need of a few pills. Thankfully she just shifts and I walk towards my stash peeling off to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and see tears streaming down my face at the pain. I take three pills quickly and try to slip back into the room. I see the clock says 7:30, which means we have an hour to get ready, but the familiar blue eyes stop me. Man she looks beautiful when waking up.

"Where'd you go? I thought I was going to wake up next to you," she says with a hint of disappointment. The question throws me off my game and I try my best to lie.

"I uh, had to go to the bathroom," I say not so smoothly and put a death grip on the pill bottle. I'm praying that she doesn't notice but with no such luck she does.

"What's that in your hand Em?" she asks throwing the blanket off walking towards me.

"Uh it's nothing Ali, you want breakfast?" I ask trying to evade questioning and try to put the bottle back in its place.

"Are those pills?" she asks I guess hearing the familiar rustle of pills in a bottle. I sigh knowing I'm caught so I try to come up with a lie.

"Yeah," I reply hoping to buy time.

"Why do you have a pill bottle?" she asks with a deep stare that would make the most trained criminal want to confess.

"I was prescribed medication for my shoulder," I say hoping she doesn't ask any more questions and thankfully she drops it. "Why don't you go take a shower"? She gets the hint and walks toward the shower. Once I hear the door close I quickly put the pills in another location so she doesn't see that the pills aren't exactly prescribed to me.


	2. Revealed

The day went relatively slow for Emily. She tried to focus in classes, but her high was starting to wear off as her lunch period approached and she'd have to deal with Sydney and Paige. A deep sigh interrupted the class who turned back to her and her cheeks turned a bright read and she looked down to her book to avoid the stares. The other girls weren't in the same situation but felt the same way about their classes. Spencer was busy texting Toby while in class, Alison was focused on her love life or lack there of with Emily, Hanna was preoccupied with Caleb's return and her momentary identity crisis, and Aria was going through a breakdown having nightmares about killing Shanna.

They all met up at Spencer's locker that day to walk to lunch together with the exception of Emily who'd be helping Sydney. A light conversation filled their walk.

"How are things with Toby?" Alison asked.

"They're going really good, he's been staying at my house while renovations are being made to the house," Spencer smiled. Then she felt a vibration in her pocket thinking it was Toby. Her good mood was shattered when she saw that it was from a blocked number.

"What's wrong Spence?" Aria asked as they all sat down and saw the expression on Spencer's face.

"Is it a text from A?" Hanna asks nervously.

"Yeah," Spencer replies nervous to open it.

"Well open it," Alison pushes. Spencer opens the text to a cryptic message.

"Do you see any similarities between you and Emily? Withdrawn, Secrets, Forgetfulness, Irritability…are these ringing a bell? –Kisses, A" Spencer reads out loud and the table is left shocked, confused and in disbelief.

"You can't be serious?" Aria asks.

"I'm confused," Hanna states. "What is **A** trying to say Spencer?"

"Those are all the symptoms of drug abuse, Han, I had them," Spencer says with a sigh trying to recall if Emily showed any of these.

"Well that can't be right," Hanna spoke up after seconds of silence. Meanwhile Alison was still in shock that she'd yet to say anything and her silence spoke volumes to Aria.

"Alison, are you okay? Do you know something we don't?" Aria questioned.

"Well this morning she had a pill bottle in her hand walking back into the room, but she said she had a prescription from the doctor for her shoulder," she tries to reason in her head outwardly.

"Her shoulder?" Spencer repeats.

"Yeah I saw her clutching it last night too," Alison says.

"She injured her shoulder a months ago, she should be off pain meds," Spencer states and sucks in her breath and they all share a knowing look. Sweet Em is hiding a huge secret.

"We have to talk to her," Hanna states.

"Oh what and say A gave us a tip that you're a druggie?" Spencer bites back knowing the same "intervention" they'd given her.

"She's right Spence, we all need to talk to her today," Alison spoke and it was like she had the final say. They all looked around dejectedly until Emily came strolling in with a smile.

"Hey guys," Emily says happily. Everyone takes in her appearance. She's jumpy, more than usual, has dark circles under eyes, and looks slightly sweaty. "Okay guys don't talk, but I have great news".

"What is it Em," Alison says giving the girls a stare to play along with her.

"The coach from Stanford will be here next week," she replies with glee.

"But Em, what about your shoulder, I thought you couldn't swim like you did before," Hanna asked with worry and Emily looked as if she ran a puppy over with her car.

"My shoulder is fine Han. It's perfect in fact. I was just swimming and I'm almost back up to my old times," she says happily.

"Aren't you gonna eat Em?" Spencer asks knowing that when most are coming down from a high, they lack an appetite.

"Wow, you guys look so freaking happy for me," Emily snaps and they all recognize her irritability.

"No we are happy for you! In fact, how about we celebrate at your house tonight, just the five of us," Alison tries to diffuse the situation as well as give the perfect excuse for them to meet up and the girls nod happily towards Emily.

"Yeah that sounds like fun! Alright guys I have to go talk to my coach so I can finish filling out my Stanford application," she says happily and walks away from the table.

"Did you guys just see that?" Hanna says seriously.

"Yeah Han, she's using heavily," Spencer remarks with a deep sigh.

"How do you know it's heavy?" Alison asks.

"I just have a feeling this started before Alison even came back," she replies and the conversation dies as everyone starts to think about Emily's behavior the past few weeks and it all adding up.

"This may be the only good thing A's done for us," Aria says grimly.

Later that afternoon, the girls got in their car and drove home to prepare for the wrath of Emily. Alison drove with Spencer to get some more clothing since she had a feeling Emily couldn't be trusted alone after being confronted with something this heavy. Emily who had no idea what was to come later on was walking around her house in major pain. She practically ran up to her room to get pills, skipping the water. She went downstairs to prepare snacks then relax. The pills took a huge effect on her and next thing she knew she was being awoken by the girls surrounding her.

"Hey guys, sorry for oversleeping," she said getting up to stretch but feeling a sharp pain return to her shoulder. She tried to hide the wince.

"No worries, how are you feeling," Hanna replied in a voice that was unlike her which caused Emily to concern.

"Han, are you okay?" she asked worriedly. "Did something happen?"

"No," they all replied in unison making Emily feel uneasy.

"Oh okay, I have to go to the bathroom guys, I'll be back," she said trying to move, but was blocked by Spencer. "What are you doing Spence?"

"We know Emily," she says in a voice that makes Emily take a step back.

"You know what?" Emily replies in a shaky voice and the girls start to surround her and sit down.

"Sit down Em," Spencer reassures her.

"No not until you tell me what's going on, this was suppose to be a celebration," she said suddenly feeling claustrophobic.

"This is an intervention," Hanna says.

"Is this payback Spence," she asks with unshed tears in her eyes.

"No Em, we're all worried about you," Spencer immediately says.

"I'm fine, no need to worry about me," she says trying to get up but is pushed down by Aria who appears to have a lot of strength for 5'2". "Guys I just have to go to the bathroom really quick". The pain is shooting through her shoulder.

"Why so you could pop some more pills?" Spencer asks and that makes Emily freeze. "How many are you to a day?"

"I really have no idea what you're talking about and I suggest you don't go around throwing accusations," Emily says in a sharp tone.

"You don't know? So if you were to take a drug test, you would come out positive?" Spencer asks.

"Yes I would," Emily says confidently making everyone bite their lips.

"Well then fine, take it," Spencer says pulling out a urine cup.

"Are you fucking serious," Emily yells. "I am not taking that".

"Why not? Afraid you're going to test negative?" Spencer mocks.

"No, damnit just let me go to the bathroom," she says and pushes her way through them and rushes upstairs to her stash. What she didn't expect were for her friends to follow her. She closes her door and goes toward her stash and pulls out three pills, swallowing them dry as the girls decide to enter the room. Once they're down, "It's not what it looks like guys".

"Emily, you have a serious problem," Alison says speaking up for the first time.

"I bet this was your idea. You couldn't stand to see me happy," Emily replies in a tone she'd never used with Alison and the words hurt.

"We all want you to be happy Em, especially me. You're hurting yourself," she says softly.

"It's my body, I'll do what I damn well please," Emily says her anger growing.

"A sent us a text about your problem," Spencer said.

"Well this is all A's fault anyway! If that bitch would've never tried to run us over things would be fine," she says with tears and sits down on her bed.

"What do you mean?" Hanna asks.

"Where do you think I got the pills from? After I tore my rotator cuff, I was prescribed these. I can't swim, I can't think, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm in so much pain Spence, it won't go away," Emily starts to sob and Spencer takes her in her arms.

"Why didn't you tell us sweetie?" Aria asked.

"I was ashamed," Emily cried into Spencer's neck.


	3. Help

"I was ashamed," Emily cried into Spencer's neck.

"Why? We're your best friends?" Hanna asked rhetorically.

"Em, you need to get help, I know great rehabs for you," Spencer said soothingly, but felt Emily tense beside her.

"No! No rehabs Spence, I can't," she cried.

"You have to get better, you have a problem," Spencer said.

"I can't I have swimming and my mom will go crazy. Please you guys my mom can't know, she can't find out. I'll do anything. She's already stressed enough, please promise me you guys won't tell her," Emily sobbed.

"Emily you can't take care of everyone, she's your mom, and you have to get better," Alison tried to reason.

"Please Spence you can help get me clean right? Without anyone finding out?" Emily pleaded. "If Stanford finds out I do drugs, my scholarship will be taken away, no other school will consider me. With **A** knowing, it changes everything. The school could ask me to take a drug test at anytime". Spencer sighed knowing how important this was to Emily.

"Emily I will help get you clean, but I can't keep you that way. You have to have enough strength to stay that way. You have to want it for you," Spencer said seriously.

"I do Spence, I want it, and I just don't want everyone knowing. Everyone will talk. I don't want them to keep staring at me".

"Okay, I'll help you," Spencer says. "Someone pass me a pen and pad". Aria starts to look around and finds one. "Emily, if I'm going to help you I need to ask questions and you have to answer them honestly. Nothing that is said in this room will be repeated by any of us. We're not judging, okay?" she says and Emily nods while wiping her nose in her shirt. Spencer decided to pull up a chair and sit in front of Emily while the girls stood around the room.

"What's your height and weight?" "5'8" and128 lbs."

"What kinds of pills do you take?" "Oxycodone, Xanax, Hydrocodone, Valium"

"How many do you take a day?" "Anywhere from 4 to 8"

"What are the side effects?" "Vomiting, headaches, loss of appetite, sleepiness, irritability, cold sweats"

"What's your emotional state before taking them?" "I'm either in pain or I'm depressed"

"Do you ever get suicidal?" "Yes"

At that Hanna and Alison let out a whimper and Emily looks down to her hands.

"Hey we're not judging you Em, we're just scared," Spencer comforted.

"How long does the high last?" "A few hours, depending on my activity level"

"Have you ever used injections?" "No, never"

"What's your sex drive the past few weeks?" "Really low"

"Explain," "I can't" Emily replied and let out a whimper.

"Hey it's okay, we're all here for you, no judgment".

"It's like I can't even look in the mirror anymore, let alone have anyone touch me in a sexual manner. I just feel gross," she said letting the tears fall freely.

"When did you start taking pills?" "After I tore my rotator cuff"

"No I mean when did you start taking them recreationally?" "After Maya's body was found"

"Do you mix it with alcohol?" "It was only that one time when I couldn't remember anything I did that entire night and woke up at Alison's grave with a shovel"

"Do you drive while you're high" "Yes"

"Okay Em, you did good, I'm proud of you. I'm having Wren drop off some supplies. When does your mom get back from Texas?"

"2 weeks," she replies and Spencer bends down to eye level.

"Em, this isn't going to be easy. I'd much prefer you in a hospital but all in all, I'd prefer you sober. You aren't going to act like yourself while you're going through withdrawals. The girls and I are going to be watching you around the clock. Since you had suicidal thoughts, it will only get worse, as well as the pain in your shoulder since your stopping cold turkey. As for you girls, there's no sweet-Emily anymore. She's going to say things to hurt you deliberately, but you can't let it phase you, it's the drugs talking. Her body will want more and the more she tries to push us the harder we have to push back".

"How long will the withdrawals last for?" Emily asked scared.

"A few days, but don't be scared, we'll all be here watching over you. We won't let anything happen to you," Spencer reassured and heard the bell ring and went to get the bag. Moments later Spencer came in with a bag full of medical supplies. She pulled out a portable metal coat hanger type of object. She began to fill bags with a clear substance.

"What's that Spence?" Emily asked.

"It's a saline drip to help keep you hydrated. It hard to swallow the first few days," Spencer replied pulling out multiple vials and needles. "These are injections of naproxen to help with the aches, these are antihistamines to help sedate you when you're feel nauseous. I need to set up an IV for you so change into comfortable clothes." Emily went to get up and head to the bathroom when Spencer called out for her. "Oh I forgot, we need to empty out this place."

"What do you mean?" Emily asked nervously.

"Hand over all your drugs". Emily went over to her stash spot and retrieved about 50 pills.

"I know this isn't all of it," Spencer said with a sigh knowing she was in the same position a couple of months ago and those drugs looked tempting. Emily sighed and went over towards her closet and got another bottle full. She walked towards her stacks of books and opens one to pull out a baggie. Then walked towards what the girls thought was a beautiful painting. She pulled it off the wall and revealed a safe, and pulled out a couple stacks of money as well as multiple bags of drugs that had Spencer's eyes widening. She then went under her bed and untapped another bag. Then stood on her bed towards the light moving her hand inside of the bowl and taking out two packets. She went over towards her draws and pulled two out of its levy, emptied the contents on the bed and flipped them over to reveal a secret opening revealing more currency and burner phones which Spencer assumed had her dealers numbers.

"Is this all of it?" Spencer asked.

"I think so, I can't really remember them all," she said with a tone telling that told them she wasn't lying.

"Okay, Hanna and Aria can you flush all of those pills, as for the money, I'll give it to Mrs. Fields when she gets home. The burner phones have your dealers right?" Spencer ordered.

"Yeah," Emily replied looking at her stash that had grown exponentially. Alison grabbed her hand and squeezed it and giving her a smile that made her feel like she was doing the right thing. Once Hanna and Aria returned to the room, Emily was in the middle of changing.

"Don't wear anything too hot, or too cold, a simple shorts and shirt will do you good. You'll probably be getting chills and hot flashes since your high is wearing off," Spencer replied taking notes. Emily lay back down on the bed with Alison still holding her right hand and sitting on the bed next to her. Spencer set up the equipment and moved with the need in hand to insert the IV. Emily winced when she felt the needle enter her arm. After the equipment was set up, most of the girls started to change and Alison returned back to her spot on the bed. Emily looked up towards her striking blue eyes and saw the gentleness in them. Soon enough, the effect of not taking pills took a toll on her and she found herself in a comfortable slumber.

"Okay guys, she's asleep. I'm going to sleep, but wake me if she starts moving around in the middle of the night," Spencer instructs and turns off the light taking her place by the window and falling asleep fast with the two girls following behind closely.

"I know this is hard Em, but I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much," Alison said kissing her head. She could feel the heat radiating off of Emily but didn't mention anything. She fell asleep with her hand wrapped around Emily's.

A few hours later Alison felt a death grip on her hand wake her up from her slumber. She opened an eye and saw Emily sweating so much that it was soaking her side of the bed. She appeared to be in a deep dream slightly moving around, but the heat got worse through the night.


	4. Morning Blues

Alison was roused from her sleep by a death grip clenching her hand. She looked over after rubbing her eyes to see Emily sweating heavily. She went to touch her head, but there was no need since Emily was basically a heater just radiating it throughout her personal space.

"Spence!" Alison whispered and received no answer. "Spence!" Again no answer was received. Alison decided to grab a pillow and throw it at her, which made her wake from her slumber with a shake.

"Wha…" she said incoherently.

"Wake up! Emily is burning up!" Alison shouted in a whisper. Once the words reached her ears, Spencer was up Alison a mild pain reliever and changing the saline drip bag. Almost immediately Emily calmed down and released Alison's hand that was now throbbing after the circulation had been cut.

"She should be good for a few hours, go back to sleep, we're going to need it," Spencer said and laid back in her former position before drifting off to sleep and Alison a little while after. The next morning she was the first one to wake up and looked over to see Emily squirming but still asleep thankfully. She went downstairs to make coffee for everyone especially Spencer, who would be irritable without it. Once she returned they were all up with the exception of Emily.

"It's a good thing she's sleep so long, the less pain she feels the better," Spencer comments feeling the same question among us. At 10 am Emily woke up looking pale and skinnier than usual.

"Mhhmm," she said with tears coming to her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Alison says rushing to her.

"It hurts," she cries and all the girls surround her.

"What hurts?" Spencer demands.

"My shoulder," she says clutching it.

"Okay, what's the pain level on 1-10?" Spencer asks.

"A good 11," she says through clenched teeth.

"I'm going to give you some naproxen to help," Spencer says and goes to get the needle. She injects it into the IV and Emily cries for a few more minutes with Alison rubbing her hair.

"Better?" Hanna asks.

"Yeah," Emily sighs feeling the pain reduce. She slips back into sleep and we all sit around before deciding to order pizza. We watched television and waited for Emily to wake again. It was honestly hard seeing their friend so fragile, but they knew if they stuck together, she would pill throw. Their wish was granted when Emily stirred and opened her eyes. She was sweating heavily and black rings formed under eyes.

"Spence," she called out and Spencer was at her side.

"What do you need?" she asked her.

"A bin," she answered faintly clutching her head. Spencer went to the bathroom to get a trashcan and returned putting it at the bed. Emily rolled onto the floor and sat on her knees releasing the entirety of her stomach contents while Spencer held her hair back.

"Let it out sweetie," Spencer rubbed her back until Emily sat up with tears. Aria went downstairs and came back with a cup of water and Emily happily took it.

"Are you hungry?" Alison asked and Emily nodded no.

"Emily you have to eat," Spencer reassured her.

"I'm really not hungry, I think I'll just throw it up," she replies.

"I know the feeling, but eating helps to keep your strength up," Spencer says and Emily sighs and takes the pizza. She only gets to a few bites before she's back throwing up in the bin and the girls look on sympathetically. Emily gets back in the bed and falls asleep without a word but silent tears coming down her face.

"Get ready for hell tomorrow," Spencer says.

"Why do you say that?" Hanna asks.

"This was just day 1, her body was in shock, but now it knows what she's trying to do," Spencer replied and sighed. They all resumed eating and watching television, but not really paying attention because of the big elephant in the room. They retired to their sleep and Alison was back at Emily's bedside with a cool wet cloth to wipe away the sweat, but she woke Emily up.

"Stop," Emily said hoarsely.

"You're sweating and burning up," Alison reasons.

"It's too cold, I'm freezing," she says shivering making Alison confused because her body temperature was telling a different story. Instead of arguing, she pull the blankets up around Emily and still heard the girls shivering as she slipped between consciousness and unconsciousness. She fell asleep easily and was pulled awake in the middle of the night to rustling. She saw Emily pulling off her clothes.

"What are you doing Em?" she asked.

"Too hot," she replied out of breath. Trying to find a way to take off her shirt, but the IV got in the way, so she ripped it and surprised Alison with her strength since she's only half awake. Once she settles back on the bed she keeps tossing and turning and moaning.

"What's wrong?" Alison asked.

"I can't get comfortable, I'm sore," she says with tears returning to her eyes. Alison grabbed Emily's head and put it on her chest and started to rub her arms and humming to relax her. To her surprise Emily stopped fighting and was gently rocked back to sleep. Alison put her clothes back on, feeling a draft in the room. Alison went back to their previous position and fell asleep. Spencer awoke to that scene with a smile, thankful that Emily had someone who could do what no one could for her since her parents sent her to rehab. The girls woke up in a similar fashion, only to Spencer's overly strong coffee which had them gagging. Their attention turned to Emily who had roused awake on high alert.

"Get them off!" she yelled over and over snatching the IV out.

"Get what off sweetie?" Spencer asked.

"There's bugs everywhere," Emily said scratching her skin.

"There's no bugs, there's no bugs," Spencer cooed trying to get closer to Emily.

"They're everywhere!" Emily cried and it broke all their hearts.

"I swear there's no bugs it's just your imagination," Spencer tried to calm her down.

"My imagination," Emily repeated seeming to calm down and Emily touched her and she felt her entire body go on fire.

"Don't come any closer!" she yelled at the girls.

"Why?" Alison asked with tears.

"I'm on fire! I'm on fire!" she repeated.

"There's no fire," Aria said softly.

"I'm on fire," she cried taking off her shirt and pants.

"No Emily! There's no fire I promise. It's just your imagination," Spencer said.

"I-I can't breath," Emily panted trying to take breaths, but her body wouldn't allow it.

"Breath with me," Spencer said taking deep breaths and Emily tried but doubled over in pain.

"It hurts," Emily yelled and found herself on her knees crawling and clutching her chest.

"Try for me sweetie, come on big breathes," Spencer cooed and Emily tried with all her strength. "That's it just follow me".

"It hurts so much," Emily cried and Spencer grabbed her head and but her against her stomach. She sat up while Emily laid in a fetal position against her sobbing in obvious pain. By that point she was sweating heavily and the girls went to turn on the shower. Spencer pulled her up since she was weak and half carried her to the shower. Alison undressed her and helped Spencer put her in the shower while Aria and Hanna stood outside. Spencer joined them seconds later knowing that only Alison would be allowed to wash her. Fifteen minutes later Emily came out wrapped in a towel. Alison helped her into clothes before calling the girls back in. She lay down and Spencer hooked her back up and gave her a sedative to help her sleep and calm the nausea. She smiled the first smile in days and went to sleep while the other girls gave out a sigh that they'd just gotten through the second morning.


	5. Appearances

The next time Emily woke up was mid afternoon and it didn't look like she was going back to sleep anytime soon.

"Mmmmm," she moaned rousing from her sleep state. This caught the girls' attention that were working on homework and reading; well Hanna was just reading a magazine as usual. They stood in their positions not wanting to crowd around her. Emily's body was covered in sweat and goose bumps. When she sat up, her eyes were still closed and she had forgotten about the other girls in the room. She clutched her head because of a headache and reached for her nightstand. She opened the compartment searching for her pills, but felt none. This put her on high alert and her mind started racing. She rushed to her closet, as if she were hallucinating, in search of more pills. She still hadn't detected other occupants in the room who were watching her closely. Hanna wanted to speak up, but Spencer put her finger to her lips to all the girls and they nodded. They heard Emily rustling in the closet searching through bags, but still coming up empty. She began to cry and get anxious.

"Where are they?" she asked visibly shaken before deciding to walk out of the closet. Then she saw her friends eyeing her suspiciously. Her confusion turned to anger; she knew they took them away. "Where are they?" she asked spitting out venom and Aria jumped at the tone.

"Where are what?" Spencer asked sarcastically.

"You know what," Emily said walking over to Spencer.

"Oh the pills?" Spencer asked.

"Yes," Emily said through clenched teeth.

"I know you have them," Emily said confidently.

"We flushed them all," Spencer smiled.

"What? How could you? Do you know how much that cost?" Emily yelled then turned back towards Spencer, eyeing her closely. "You must think I'm some kind of stupid, I know you took some for yourself. Let's not forget, you just got out of rehab". That dig sort of made Spencer's heart clench, but she knew this was to be expected.

"Is that the best you can do? Talk about my rehab stint?" Spencer chided and Emily huffed.

"Why are you guys doing this?" She yelled and went over to her dresser. She pulled out the drawer and flipped it over looking for her phone and money.

"Looking for something?" Spencer smiled and Emily glared at her.

"You stole my money and phones? Your fucking evil," Emily said and threw the drawer on the floor. She went over to the painting and opened the safe to find it completely empty. Her heart sank and realized that they'd done a complete sweep of her room.

"How could you do this to me?" she cried, giving up hope.

"You have to get sober Em, this isn't the life you want," Spencer said firmly taking over the situation as the other girls watched unsure of what to do. She walked over to Emily who let the tears spill from her eyes. She tried to bring Emily into a hug, but her hands were slapped.

"Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me," Emily said. "I can't live without them," she said honestly.

"Yes you can, you have to," Spencer said bringing them down onto the floor. She could see Emily working herself into an anxiety attack.

"No you don't understand," Emily said losing her breath. Spencer sat behind her, rocking them back and forth trying to get them into a rhythm both breathing and moving.

"Explain it to me. Why are you taking those pills?" Spencer asked softly.

"I need them," Emily cried.

"Why do you need them?" she asked again.

"Because I can't be perfect without them," she says turns and buries her face into Spencer's shirt.

"Sweetie, you don't need to be perfect for anyone," Spencer reassures her.

"Yes I do," she says loudly before standing up and facing the mirror. "I have to be perfect. I'm Emily Fields; I'm going to Stanford in the fall on a swim scholarship. I'm going to be an Olympic swimmer one day. I'm the daughter of Wayne and Pam Fields. We live in a glass house and we can't have any faults. I'm supposed to be the sweet, doting, loving daughter. I already disappointed them when I came out. I can't let anything like that happen again. I'm Emily Fields and I'm perfect. I'm Emily Fields and I'm perfect," she kept repeating and the girls broke into tears at the pressure she puts on herself. She stared into her eyes while there were black rims underneath them. She looked like death, her body had become frail and her bones started to show.

"Honey, you don't have to put that type of pressure on yourself," Spencer says truthfully.

"You of all people should understand Spence, what it's like for your parents to control your life with an iron fist. I mean you are practically required to get into Ivy League and become a lawyer," Emily says and Spencer looks in shock. She did understand what it was like and knew what it felt like to live up to her parent's expectations.

"But your parents seem not laid back, but fine with anything you want to do in life Ems," Spencer says in shock and Emily scoffs.

"Yeah like I really have a choice. What ever they say, I do. There's no room for failure or faults, especially not in a small town and with my dad in the military," she says looking at all of them. "I'm expected to be the best swimmer, and how can I do that with a busted shoulder? You should've seen their faces when I told them; they were so disappointed in me. Then when I told them that Stanford stopped considering me for a swim scholarship, well let's just say it felt like Siberia in here. My mom acts all nice, like we're the perfect family, but it's all just for fucking show," she says angrily and walks towards a photo of the three of them and throws it against the wall.

"What about your dad? He seems really cool," Hanna speaks for the first time and Emily laughs.

"Yeah sometimes, but even he can't protect me from my mother since he's in Texas. He left me here all alone with her," she says.

"Does you mom hit you Em?" Aria asks for the first time.

"No, never, her methods are much worse," she says and looks down.

"What does she do?" Alison asks.

"Nothing, it's not important, just forget about it guys. I don't even know what I'm talking about," Emily tries to dismiss it with a laugh, but no one else laughs.

"Come on Em you can tell us," Hanna says but they all jumped at the door closing.

"Emily. I'm home," Pam yelled when she walked into the house and Emily froze.

"I thought she wasn't suppose to be back for 2 weeks!" Spencer whispered loudly.

"She wasn't," Emily said freaking out. "You guys have to hide," she says moving them around and putting all the medical supplies away. Spencer and Alison hid in her closet, Aria and Hanna under the bed. Emily slid under her cover and sat up with a book in her hand.

"Emily!" Pam yelled while ascending the steps.

"Up here mom," she yells back. Pam's heels could be heard against the hardwood floor and then the door creak open.

"Hey mom, what are you doing back so early?" Emily asks.

"I just thought that I should come back before my baby's meet, especially since Stanford is coming," she said happily.

"Oh yeah," Emily said forgetting about the meet entirely.

"You need to be great tomorrow, no mishaps, you need to win," Pam said firmly.

"I know mom," Emily groans.

"No you don't understand. You need this Emily if you want to go to Stanford. You have to be the best," Pam says and Emily chokes back the tears.

"I understand," she says.

"Why is this house a mess? You need to clean your room, what have you done the past few days?" she asked while she scanned the room.

"I was just studying, you know a big exam in English is coming," she says.

"Well I'm sure you can spare time to clean a little," she says.

"Well it's not like I'm allowed to have guests," Emily mumbles.

"What did you say?" Pam asks firmly.

"Uh nothing, I said I'll get right to it," she stutters.

"Good," Pam huffs. "Have you been stuffing you face again, I hope you've visited the pool at least twice," she says.

"No, I just ordered that yesterday," Emily, says and Pam opens the box to find it empty.

"So you finished a whole pie in two days and haven't worked it off? Just great! Have I taught you nothing about appearances? You look like a mess, this house is a mess, imagine if I bought a guest over," she says angrily. "Clean your room up and I want you in the pool later on tonight, sick or not, understand?" she demands.

"Mhmm," Emily says trying to block the pain in her shoulder.

"Do you understand?" Pam asks again.

"Yes mom, can I please get back to my homework?" Emily says a little forcefully and Pam nods satisfied before walking off into her room and closing her door. Spencer and Alison exit the closet and Hanna and Aria roll out from the bed giving Emily a sympathetic look. Instead of looking at them, she locks her door and begins to clean her room.

"Emily, I'm going to run to the store quick," Pam says softly on the other side of the door, her mood completely changed.

"Okay, I won't be here when you get back, I'm going to swim," Emily replies and can practically feel Pam smiling in approval.

"That's great, have a good practice," she says before walking out of the house and once the door closes Emily lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Her shoulders relaxed as she finished cleaning. She looked out the window to see that her mom had taken off.

"You guys really have to leave," Emily says in a hurry.

"What? No Em, we can't leave you like this," Spencer says.

"Trust me I'm fine, I'm going for a swim," she says and squeezes her shoulder to stop the pain.

"Then I guess you don't mind if we tag along," Alison says and Emily opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

"Yeah, that should be fun," Hanna says.

"Fine," Emily says through clenched teeth. She goes to get her Rosewood Sharks bag filled with her swim gear and they all take off for the school.


	6. Cover Story

The pain in her shoulder doubled by the time she got to the pool. She changed into her swim gear while the girls sat on the bleachers. She turned on music and oddly enough Anxiety by Papa Roach and Black Eyed Pease blasted through the speakers. All she could think about was not disappointing her parents and getting a scholarship to Stanford. She tried to breath her anxiety as she stepped on to the board, hoping her pain mentally and physically would disappear once the water surrounded her. Her feelings felt so small with the waves of water gliding past her, like it was swallowing them one by one. She looked up at her friends staring intently at her. She imagined a crowd watching her and the Stanford scout and her mom. Her anxiety tripled, but this was the only way she would perform like she was going to on Tuesday. She sucked in a large breath before counting down and hearing an imaginary horn before taking off down the path. The water was relaxing. The only thoughts she had were of winning. She touched the wall and flipped and turned back in the opposite direction. She continued this for 10 more laps before getting out of the pool. A teammate came in the pool.

"Hey Emily, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Oh just practicing for the meet. Would you be able to time me?" Emily asked.

"Of course!" she said dropping her bag and getting out her timer. Emily took a drink of water and caught her breath. She stepped on the board and waited for the girl to count down. Her heart was racing and her stomach was in knots. She squeezed her shoulder to make sure she was okay. "Three, two, one," and Emily heard a noise from her phone. She dived in and did the same motions. Her thoughts were non-existent. This was the best part of swimming. She didn't have time to think, only move. Soon she approached her last lap and felt to motivation to go faster. She touched the wall and climbed out of the pool. Her teammate wore an unreadable expression and looked at her in shock.

"What is it?" Emily asked her nervously.

"You just beat you old record by 4 seconds!" she yelled.

"What? Are you serious?" Emily grabbed her phone and it was confirmed. The girl wrapped her arms around Emily and spun her around.

"That's incredible!" she jumped for joy. "Congrats Em".

"Thank you," Emily said breathless and squeezed her back.

"How's your arm?" she asked.

"I don't feel it when I'm in the pool and I guess the adrenaline is stopping it form hurting now," Emily said trying to catch her breath. She was on Cloud 9. She didn't need the drugs to swim and that made her happy. She went back into the locker room to change and when she exited her shoulder was throbbing. Her friends were waiting outside the door.

"Good job Em," Alison said.

"Thank you," she replied. "Thank you guys for helping me this weekend, I know I would've been worse off if it hadn't been for you guys".

"We love you Em," Spencer said wrapping her arm around Emily's neck.

"I love you guys too," she said. "Let's go get coffee". They all nodded and headed for The Brew. They sat down and started talking.

"So Em how's your shoulder?" Aria asked.

"It's throbbing, but I don't feel anything when I'm swimming or right after I finish. I'm just going to put some ice on it," she said.

"That's good right?" Hanna asked.

"That's very good," she responds. The sound of Emily's phone ringing and the flash of 'mom' on the screen interrupted them. "I have to take this," she said before getting up to take the call.

"Hey mom," she said.

"Emily, I'm preparing dinner, invite your friends over," Pam said.

"Tonight?" Emily gulped.

"Yes tonight, spur of the moment," Pam responded.

"Okay I'll try," she said and hung up the phone. She walked over to the table with a worried expression.

"What did she want?" Alison asked.

"You guys over for dinner," she mumbled.

"What?" Alison asked nervously.

"What for?" Spencer asked.

"I don't know she just said spur of the moment," Emily shrugged.

"That's not like your mom, she's a planner," Alison said.

"Calm down, Emily's mom isn't apart of A's army or Mona's," Hanna said and her dry humor stuck a chord in them.

"Can we get out of it?" Alison asked.

"Not if we come up with a major excuse that would even convince the FBI," Emily said exaggerating and they all let out a sigh.

"Well then let's get this over with," she said. She was more nervous than the rest because of her feelings for Emily. The other girls were nervous because there was something Emily was hiding about her relationship with her mom. They all proceeded in their cars back to Emily's house for dinner.

"Hello girls," Pam said when they entered the house.

"Hi Mrs. Fields," they all said in unison. Pam Fields scared them the most out of all the parents because she was so strict yet so nice, almost as if she could kill you with kindness.

"Emily, why don't you set up the table," Pam smiles.

"Of course," Emily says and does as she's told and the girls go to sit down. Pam sits down at the head of the table and Emily at the other head.

"So girls, how's everything with school?" she asks.

"Everything's good," Spencer responds for all of them.

"That's good. Have you guys been applying to schools?" she asks and they all nod.

"Very good," she says before taking a sip of water. This dinner was awkward to put it nicely.

"So my why did you invite them," Emily asks but closes her mouth when she gets a look from Pam. She stares back down at her food. "Uh mom, this food is delicious," she says trying to change the subject, which the girls notice.

"Yes Mrs. Fields, if only my mom could cook like you," Hanna laughs and that causes Pam to chuckle as well.

"Thank you," she says.

"So what did you girls do this weekend?" she asked and everyone goes radio silent.

"Uh I was studying for most of it," Spencer says breaking the silence.

"I went shopping," Hanna says because it's expected of her.

"I was studying with Spencer," Aria says.

"Same here," Alison adds.

"Really?" she asks and squints her eye at Emily who gulps.

"Yeah," Spencer says a little more confidently.

"Emily are you okay? You look a little pale," Pam says and all eyes turn to Emily who indeed does look sick.

"I'm fine mom, just tired from my swim," she says.

"How was it?" she asks firmly.

"It went great, I beat my record by four seconds," she responds.

"That's great sweetie. I know you father will love to hear that," she says with her first genuine smile.

"I know he will," she says and takes a bite.

"So Emily, what were you doing this weekend?" Pam asks.

"I already told you mom," she says.

"I'd like to hear it again," Pam says firmly and Emily's hand starts to shake.

"I was studying for a test," she says.

"You want to try that again?" Pam gives her a look.

"I was studying for a test," she says a little more confidently until she sees Pam's eye twitching in rage.

"Don't lie to me!" she slams her hand on the table causing Emily to jump and the girls to look in shock.

"I'm not lying I swear mom," Emily says in a soft voice that they've never heard. Her lips are trembling and her tightly balled fists have started to bleed.

"Girls I think it's time for you to go," Pam says and Emily flashes a look of fear and the girls don't want to leave her with her mother.

"But Mrs.…" Spencer tries to say but is cut off by a look of rage that Pam sends her.

"I will deal with you once they're gone," Pam says and leaves the room leaving Emily trembling.

"Em what's wrong? We can't leave you like this. Not with her," they whisper.

"You guys really have to go," Emily's voice trembles.

"No way!" Spencer whispers loudly.

"You'll just make it worse. I promise I'll be fine," she says. "You guys have to forget what you just saw. No one can know," Emily cries. She stands from her chair and they follow her. She starts pushing them out the door. "I promise I will call you, you just have to go," she pleads and closes the door on them. Leaving them more worried than ever.

"I don't want to leave her," Spencer said.

"Neither do I," Hanna agrees.

"How about we sit in our cars," Alison suggests.

"Mrs. Fields can see our cars," Spencer points out. "How about we move them and hide in the bushes," she proposes.

"Good thinking Spence," Aria says. Five minutes later they're hiding in the bushes looking into Emily's room, but see nothing and hear nothing.

"What do you think is going on?" Hanna asks and they all shrug their shoulders worriedly. They wait outside for thirty minutes hearing nothing.

"Do you think we should text her?" Aria asks.

"Yeah, let me," Alison says.

**Alison: Are you okay Em? **

They wait but don't receive a response and all decide to text her.

**Hanna: Where are you? Are you okay?**

** Spencer: Answers us Em, we're worried!**

** Aria: Call me. **

Their attention is pulled when they hear a crash inside the house and they jump, but too afraid to move. They see Emily running towards the back door. The door opens and they all hear sobs and Emily running wildly towards the front. She can barely stand but she's moving quickly.

"Emily," Spencer shouts and it scares her and she screams.

"It's us," they say before coming out of the bushes. They see Emily sweating and out of breath with tears strolling down her face. Emily opts to keep running once they come face to face.

"Em! Don't run," Spencer says as they're chasing after her, but she's too fast for all of them and is off in the darkness.

"What the hell happened to her?" Aria asks worriedly.

"I don't know, but we'll find out tomorrow," Spencer says. "Let's go home and get some sleep".

"Doesn't look like I'll be able to get any," Alison says and they all nod in agreement. The next day of school comes and they're looking for Emily in the halls, but don't see her. They walk into English class and take their seats and wait for Emily. The teacher walks in and starts the course and concern floods through them. Emily comes into class wearing a black t-shirt with jeans three sizes too big and glasses covering most of her face. That's when Alison realized how much weight Emily has lost. Those were Emily's favorite jeans and now she can barely hold them up without a belt.

"Nice of you to join us Ms. Fields, please take a seat," the teacher says sarcastically and gestures and she sits up front for the first time instead of with the girls. "Please take off the shades, they're not allowed, school policy," he says and Emily lets out a large sigh before taking them off. She leans forward to cover her face from people and the lecture is over thirty minutes later. She slips the shades back on before running out of the class before the girls can stop her. They see her at her locker and try to get to her but she takes off. They eventually corner her into a bathroom.

"What the hell Em, why are you avoiding us?" Hanna demands but receives no response.

"What happened last night?" Spencer asked again no response.

"What did your mom do to you?" Aria asks and it's like Emily snaps.

"I don't know what you're talking about guys. I went to sleep last night early," she said. Alison eyed her the entire time and stepped forward and grabbed the glasses. Emily tried to stop her, but she was too late and turned away. Alison grabbed her chin and lifted it so Emily was facing everyone. There were collections of gasps as they saw the ugly bruise that surrounded her eye.

"What happened to you eye Em?" Alison asked softly. Emily turned towards the mirror and turned on the sink washing her face. It revealed the entire bruise that traveled from her eye to the middle of her cheek.

"God Em, what did she do to you?" Spencer asked looking at it.

"Nothing," Emily sighed touching her cheek and wincing.

"Don't lie to us, you ran out of that house like a bat out of hell," Hanna said firmly.

"If she's hurting you, you need to let us know," Aria said putting her hand on her shoulder and Emily winced and pulled away.

"Why? So you can report her and get me taken away or sent away with my father?" Emily said with tears in her eyes.

"This was all my fault," she said. "I hit my face on the door when I was running, it's no big deal".

"Why were you running?" Alison asked.

"I got into a fight with my mom and I hate arguing with her so I ran," she said.

"So what's wrong with your shoulder?" Spencer asked.

"It's still sore from last night swim session," she said.

"Emily, what did she do to you?" Alison asked softly.

"Nothing I swear, we were just arguing," Emily said.

"I don't believe you," Alison says.

"Well too bad because that's my story and I'm sticking to it," she said before grabbing her bag and glasses and exiting the bathroom.


	7. Walls

Emily avoided the girls the entire day, but Alison knew how to get to her. Emily was walking towards her car when she saw familiar blonde locks standing by the door. She wanted to ignore her but knew it was useless. Alison had that look in her eye.

"What do you want?" Emily asked.

"We need to talk," she says firmly. "I'm driving," and takes the keys from Emily. She drives towards the wooded area.

"Where are we?" Emily asks.

"Our spot," she responds before getting out and walking with Emily close behind. They come to the kissing rock.

"Talk to me Em," she pleads.

"Okay," Emily sighs and sits on the rock. "The truth is that I hit my face on the door when I was running".

"Tell me the truth," Alison pleads with tears.

"That's the truth I swear," she says. "After you guys left, my mom confronted me with all the medical supplies and Spencer's diary and she knew what was going on. She had a break down. She realized what she was doing to me all these years and all this pressure. She called my dad and I couldn't face his disappointment and he's coming back from Texas. He's home waiting I guess. I just bolted because I couldn't face her crying and they were talking about sending me to rehab and I don't know what to do anymore," she cried and Alison wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"It's going to be okay Em," Alison said and kissed the top of her head.

"You don't know that. We still have **A **to worry about and I need this scholarship from Stanford," she says.

"Are they going to let you swim tomorrow?" Alison asked.

"I don't care, they can't stop me. Legally I'm 18 and I don't even have to go to rehab," she mutters.

"But you do know rehab would be the best option for you right?" Alison says more than ask.

"Yes," Emily whispers.

"All I want…All we want for you is to get better, I hate seeing you hurt, it breaks my heart," Alison said with tears and Emily looked at her confused.

"I want to get better too, for you, for my parents, for everyone," Emily says and Alison grabs her hands.

"You have to want to get better for you. In the end that's all that will keep you clean, you," Alison says and squeezes Emily's hands. "I love you Emily Fields," she says and it takes Emily by surprise.

"I love you too Ali," Emily cried and Alison bough her in for a hug.

"Do you want me there when go you go home?" she asked.

"Please?" Emily asks.

"I'd do anything for you," Alison said. "Come on let's go home," she says and they walk back to the car. Alison drives them to the Fields home and notices another car in the driveway. He's home and Emily's nerves were through the roof. They approached the door and her hand started to shake with the key. Alison put her hand over Emily's to steady it and turn the key. They opened the door and walked through about to head upstairs.

"Emily," Wayne Fields said.

"Dad," Emily replied turning around.

"Alison, I think you should leave, this is a family matter," Pam said but Emily clutched her hand tighter.

"She's not going anywhere," Emily said.

"Why?" he asked softly and her resolve was broken. She started crying hysterically and he wrapped his arms around her. "Oh Emmy, why? Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I can't be perfect all the time," Emily said pulling away.

"I never asked you to be perfect," he said.

"Not you," Emily said looking past him and at Pam.

"I told you we were putting too much pressure on her," he said.

"So this is my fault?" Pam yelled.

"You're the one here with her!" he shouted back.

"And where are you? In Texas! You're never here!" she yelled back.

"That has never been an issue!" he says.

"You're just not here to see the effects," Pam says.  
"Guys stop!" Emily yells and they look at her. "Don't you see what you're doing? It's my fault. I never wanted you guys to worry about me and I took drugs to help me erase my pain," she pleads.

"What pain?" her father asks.

"I can't swim! Do you know what it's like to get the one thing that helped you escape taken away from you? I told you and you guys couldn't even look at me or talk to me for a week. Then Stanford got taken away from me, and then dad you were off and I was stuck here with mom and she's not a bad mother, she tries her best, but you guys expected so much of me and I wanted to give it to you. I want to be the perfect daughter, getting into a good college, bringing home straight A's, getting a swim scholarship," she yells.

"Why didn't you tell us? All we've ever wanted for you was to have better than what we were given in life. We couldn't look at you after your accident because there was nothing we could do to give you your dream back. You lost that spark in your eyes. Do you know what it's like as a father to know that I couldn't protect you? I hate myself that I couldn't and still can't do anything," he cries.

"I'm sorry dad, for disappointing you," she says and backs up to sit on the stairs and put her head in her hands. Wayne walked over to her and kneeled down. He pulled her hands away, but she refused to meet his gaze. He put his hand under her chin and lifted her head and they stared at each other.

"You never disappointed me. I just want you to get help so you can be healthy. That's all I want for you, to be healthy and happy. I love you too much to let you die like this," he says and Emily sobs and he pulls her head into his chest. He was still in his uniform. "If you ever felt that I put the military before you, then I'm sorry. I just want you to talk to me again. We used to be so close," he cries.

"I want that too," she says.

"You need to go to rehab, I found some great private ones and Stanford will never find out," he says.

"Dad…" she tries to say.

"No, it's no room for discussion, you're going to rehab," he says.

"I know, I just wanted to go to the swim meet tomorrow before you sent me away," she said.

"We're not sending you away. We just want you to get better. Are you sure that you can swim tomorrow?" he asks hesitantly.

"Dad, I'm ready to swim again," she says.

"Then I'll be there to support you and then the next day, no protesting, you're going to rehab. I reserved a spot for you at a great one in Connecticut," he said.

"I'm scared," she cried harder.

"I'm scared too, I don't want to lose you," he said and kissed her head.

"I'm tired," she said and he carried her up the stairs with Alison following close behind. Once they were in the room he closed the door behind them. He laid her down on the bed and stroked her hair.

"Emily, you need to tell me, did your mom ever do anything to you while I was gone?" he asks.

"No," she says looking away.

"I promise Papa won't be mad, but I need to know. Did your mom ever hurt you?" he asked. "You can tell Papa," he repeated and eventually she crumbled in her covers and nodded her head.

"What did she do?" he asked.

"I don't want to talk about it, please don't make me talk about it," she cried and he held her tighter.

"You have to tell me, I'm not leaving you," he said. "Tell me".

"Sometimes she would get mad and yell," she said.

"Did she ever hit you?" he asked and she shook her head vehemently.

"No never," she said.

"I know you're hiding something, just tell me," he said.

"That's it, I promise dad," she said.

"What would she say when she was yelling?" he asked.

"It's not important," she said shutting down and Alison and he both could feel her walls going up which raised a red flag. He kissed the top of her head as she drifted into space.

"Are you going to stay and take care of her Alison?" he asked and she nodded. He walked downstairs to deal with his wife.

"I know what you did," he said vaguely hoping she would spill the beans.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said.

"I know that you would yell at Emily," he said and she sighed almost relieved.

"Like all mothers do when their child is disobedient or when they're ticked off," she said.

"I know there's more to the story and when I find it out, you're going to wish you had never spoken a word in your life," he spit venom in her face and you could see the fear cross her face. He let it go for the moment so he could focus on their daughter upstairs who was struggling so much. She'd been through a lot in her teenage years and he wished he'd protected her more, that he was around more. He felt like a failure. He wanted to know what was going on between his wife and daughter, but they were keep a tight seal on their lips, but hopefully it would come out when Emily got better. He was just glad to be home and dealing with this. He asked for a week off so he could get Emily settled into rehab since he couldn't visit in the beginning and when it neared the time she was able to have visitors, he'd take more time off and request to be reassigned back to Pennsylvania. He just wanted to help her and fix his family again. He didn't want perfection, he just wanted healthy. He knew Pam had family issues and always sought after perfection, but he didn't think it would translate to their own daughter. He was just so lost.


	8. Ride

Emily awoke hours later to warmth surrounding her and something tickling her nose. She opened her eyes to see that it was blond locks that tickled her, and not just any blonde locks, but those of Alison DiLaurentis. Sure they'd slept together on numerous occasions, but that never stopped the flipping in her stomach or butterflies erupting. She felt the most at peace in her arms and she wished the moment wasn't so fleeting when she felt Alison stir. She felt Alison's arms unwrap from her and she had to stop it.

"Can we stay like this for a minute," she says grabbing Alison's arms.

"Of course," Alison responds sleepily. "How are you feeling?" she asks.

"Like crap," Emily responds. "I just feel so unbalances and out of control".

"I understand, but soon you'll be back to the old Emily," she says.

"I don't want to be the old Emily who cares what other people think and shoot for perfection. I just want to be plain Emily, why can't I be plain Emily?" she asks and her voice cracks.

"You can be Emily without the pressures, but you'll never be plain. You're so special," Alison says now forcing Emily's chin upwards so they could stare into each other's eyes.

"What's so special about me? That I'm too kind and trusting and the weakest link?" she asks with tears now flooding her eyes.

"No! You make this world a better place. You make it more bearable to live in. If all we had were a bunch of Alison's, Spencer's, Hanna's, Aria's, Mona's running around, we'd all be in trouble. We need more Emily's in the world to balance us. You're the good to our evil, your kindness may be a weakness to others, but it's also your strength. Not everyone has the ability to be as forgiving as you or see the good in everything or everyone. That's a gift that many would kill for, what I'd kill for," she says and the whole speech makes Emily lurch herself further into Alison.

"I love you," Emily mutters.

"What?" Alison asks not able to hear her against her shirt. Emily gets the courage to look up into her eyes.

"I love you," Emily says and she thought she would see anger, disgust, confusion written on Alison's face but all she could see was relief, happiness and maybe absolution from all her sins.

"You have no idea what it feels like to hear you say that," Alison says and now her voice cracks.

"What do you mean?" Emily asks now sitting up.

"I've been running away from something that has been staring me in the face for so long and I didn't realize that what I had was something that only a few people get to experience in their lifetime. I got to experience unconditional love and it didn't come from parents or family like you'd expect, but it came from you. I've never been good with my emotions and feelings, and I don't really know how to express them. I wish I could say I love you, but I don't," she says and hurt flashes across Emily's face. "It's more than that. I can't put it into words. It makes my heart ache when I'm not around you or I can't touch you. It hurts to see you hurting so bad, I feel over the moon when you smile at me, and God when you kiss me, my whole body becomes alive. I never thought I had a heart or soul, but when I'm with you, and you look at me with those eyes, I know you see something in me that I can't even see in myself and I just want to hold onto that feeling because I know that I will do something to mess this up," she cries.

"You don't have to hold onto it, because there isn't anything you can say or do to stop me from loving you the way that I do, hell even death itself couldn't stop me from thinking, dreaming, crying and obsessing over you and the way you would smile at me like you wouldn't smile at the other girls. Now that you've said those words, you have to know that there's no chance in hell that I'm letting you go," she says firmly.

"I wish I was as brave as you, I wish I could love freely like you do," Alison says.

"I can't love freely because the only person I can fall in love with is you. Everyone else I've dated, I've been so guarded because a person's heart can only belong to that one person once you meet the love of you life, and I'd already met mine by the time I dated Maya and Paige. Sure I loved them, but it was never like I could love you. With you it's so breathtaking and earth shattering and mind-blowing. It's like electricity falling from the sky; no one can explain it yet they can't take their eyes off of it. It's magnetic and I know you feel it too".

"I feel it so badly. That's why I could never leave Rosewood behind; you were always pulling me back. The only one I can see myself opening up to fully without all those damn masks is you. I can't love anyone else besides you and I guess that means that you're the one for me," Alison says bringing her fingers to her lips and a distant look appears in her eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" Emily asks snapping her out of her trance.

"The first time we kissed," she smiles and the light returns to her eyes making Emily beam.

"How's this?" Emily asks before leaning towards Alison. When their lips collide it's like a kaleidoscope of memories and pictures flash before them as they deepen the kiss. Flashes of their troubled past together and their carefree future take place in their minds making them subconsciously press their bodies together craving more contact. Emily's tongue darts across Alison's bottom lip and after a few seconds she's granted access. Her tongue nearly devours Alison's as she explores the depths of her lover's mouth. Their lips moved in synch as if they were lovers from another lifetime. Alison's hands find Emily's back and pull her weight flush on top of her. She moans at the contact into Emily's mouth and the vibrations on Emily's tongue causes a spark to ignite. Emily's hands are now busy trailing up and down Alison's curvaceous body and comes into contact with her breast before squeezing it gently eliciting an arched back from Ali. Alison's position causes them to break contact at their mouth and their lungs fill with much needed air. Emily presses her head against Ali's and they breath the same air before moving her head horizontally so their lips touch slightly. Alison leans forward to start another kiss only for Emily to pull away slightly and push her shoulders down. Emily's bottom lip touches Ali's upper lip a few times before giving in. Her thumb traces patterns on her cheek and moves blond hair behind the owner's ear. She leans forward to capture the cherry lips that makes her legs quiver in excitement. Alison's hands travel down to her ass and pull it not so gently into her and the friction causes them to gasp.

"Are you sure?" Emily asks hesitantly knowing what's going to happen.

"Yes," Alison smiles before Emily rolls off her and goes to lock the door. She comes back and strips off her shirt leaving her in a sport bra and jeans. She crawls back towards Alison and works on her pants. She unzips them and slides them off the blonde's legs to reveal red lace panties. She kisses Alison's legs and nips her inner thigh before playing with the waistband of her panties. Her hands trail up to the hem of her shirt while scratching Ali's stomach. She lifts the shirt past Ali's boobs and sees a matching red lace bra against creamy skin making her shiver in anticipation. The shirt comes off as Alison sits up and works on her jeans. She unbuckles her belt and unzips the pants to see Emily wearing black boxer briefs.

"I knew you were more of a boxer brief kind of girl," Alison winks.

"What is that suppose to mean?" Emily asks curious.

"You can tell a lot about a person by what they wear underneath," she says.

"What does boxer briefs say?" Emily asks.

"Shy on the streets, sexy in the sheets," Alison teases and they both remember the first time she said that.

"Oh you're in for a ride," Emily says in a cocky tone that put Alison off balance at her comeback.

"Good thing I don't like seatbelts," she retorts loving the foreplay.

"Good thing I don't come with any," Emily winks knowing that Alison is now speechless giving her to perfect opportunity to take off her jeans and climb in between her legs. They kiss slowly and Emily can smell her orange scent. "I love the way you smell," she says out loud.

"I'll keep that in mind," Alison smirks before resuming the kissing. Emily's left hand snakes to her back and Alison can tell she's an expert when it only takes one hand to unclasp her bra and leave her upper body exposed. She feels slightly uncomfortable with Emily now on her knees staring at her.

"You're so beautiful," Emily says and now she feels reassured. Emily places kisses on her neck before sucking on her collarbone.

"Don't leave any marks!" Alison says adamantly making Emily smirk against her skin.

"I'll try not to," she says honestly knowing she can be a little aggressive. She makes her way to Ali's right breast and wraps her lips around a nipple causing Alison to jerk towards her and moan loudly. Her tongue flicks over the nub before blowing on it to make it impossibly harder.

"Em," Alison whispers and Emily gives the same treatment to the left breast. She kisses softly in between her breasts before moving down to her navel and dips her tongue making Alison's stomach flutter. She slightly bites her right hip before moving to the place she desired most. She breathes heavily against it because she knows that Alison can feel everything through the thin material. Her body is quivering, waiting for Emily's next move. Emily spreads her thighs and bites her inner thigh and she hears a sharp gasp from the blonde. She places her index fingers inside the waistband and slowly moves the panties down her legs.

"Em," Alison says a little clearer making Emily look at her face and she sees fear and nervousness.

"Are you okay?" Emily asks again.

"I'm a virgin," she says and it shocks Emily. She thought Alison had so much experience.

"But what about?" Emily asks.

"I've only kissed them, nothing more," Alison says truthfully.

"Are you sure you want to continue?" Emily asks and Alison nods. "I'll be gentle," she says now sitting on her knees. She takes in the full sight of Alison now fully naked. She sees Alison's hands making their way to her boobs and now exposed vagina and Emily grabs her hands softly.

"Are you nervous?" Emily asks.

"Yes," Alison says.

"Why?" she asks.

"Because I don't know what I'm doing or if everything looks alright," she says.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You're breathtaking," Emily says softly removing her hands to uncover a sight that makes her speechless. "Have you ever had an orgasm?" she asks.

"No," Alison says and her cheeks flush red.

"Well good, I want to be your first," Emily says to take away from her embarrassment. She leans forward and captures Alison's lips in hers. She leans her full weight on Alison and feels the heat radiating off of her against her boxer briefs. Her hands rub Alison's nipples and feel her breath hitch. Her right continues on its path down her stomach to Alison's folds. She looks in Alison's eyes for the final confirmation before a finger separates her folds. Emily's finger traces around her clit making her shake at the contact but wanting more.

"Please Em," she says and Emily squeezes her clit between her index and thumb softly. "Ohh," she moans. Emily begins to rub the nub until it's swollen and her fingers trace down to her entrance. She circles Alison's entrance making her more frustrated by the second. "Please," she begs as her back arches when Emily leans forward to suck on her pulse point in her neck and enter her with one finger. It was slightly weird to have something inside her for the first time, but the feeling of Emily's lip on her neck overtook the weirdness. After a few moments, Emily begins to pump in and out of her causing Alison to gasp.

"How does it feel?" Emily asks.

"So good," Alison chokes out and Emily leans down to capture her nipple between her teeth and bites it softly and Alison's body jerks. "More," she says and Emily pulls out only to enter in with two fingers completely filling Alison. She repeats her actions five times before she feels a slight pressure on her fingers. She gets the idea to press her thumb to Alison's clit and curve her fingers as she blew on Alison's wet nipple. The reaction she received was Alison clenching on her fingers harder than anyone ever had. It was slightly painful, but the look on Alison's face was a beautiful sight. She was mesmerized by the sweat beading on Alison's skin, her mouth open giving off moans and calling her name, and her body arching into her radiating a heat that felt like lava. Overcome by her first orgasm, Alison wasn't able to form any coherent thoughts or words for a few minutes as she came down from her high. Once she was able to open her eyes, she felt herself loosen and Emily's hands leave from inside her. She immediately missed the contact and feeling of being filled, but she saw Emily lick her fingers. To any other person it might be weird, but it turned her on even more to see it.

"You taste like oranges," Emily smiles before leaning down to give her a chaste kiss and roll onto her back. Alison still trying to control her breathing is pulled into Emily as her head rests on her chest. She wraps her arm around the olive skin and revels in the contact. She can feel that Emily's body feels a few degrees below hers and also notices the sweat that formed on her naked body. Emily begins to blow on her as if it could cool her down before pulling a blanket over them. "How was it?" Emily asked.

"It was better than I can put into words," Alison said looking up at Emily and she receives a beaming smile knowing that she stroke what little ego Emily possessed or so she thought.

"I told you that you'd be in for a ride," Emily winks and says in a cocky tone.

"How come you're never this cocky with other things, not even swimming?" Alison wonders.

"I have no idea," Emily laughs. "I just take pride in my abilities in the bedroom even though I would never talk about them openly," she clarifies.

"Shy in the streets, sexy in the sheets," Alison says and they both laugh and feel the effects of their night as their eyes become heavy.

"I love you Ali," Emily says.

"I love you too Em," Alison replies and feels pressure against her head before she drifts into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
